Random musings of a disenchanted being

Twenty three years have passed and even it never ever came to my mind to search an identity. I mean I do know myself, but I always envied those who could describe themselves so easily by an adjective preceding the word “guy”. Examples would be something like, “intelligent”, “smart”, ”cute” , ”normal”, “ordinary”, “average”, “nothing extraordinary”, and “friendly”. I would just discuss the virtues of each and try classifying myself into some bracket, or may be define a completely different bracket for me.

I guess the adjectives “intelligent”, “smart” and “cute “fall into similar bracket. A bracket which appeals to those people who overestimate himself. And as far as I know never in my life I overestimated myself. Infact I always underestimated myself and whatever I got in my life I considered myself plainly lucky.
Now cometh the most common adjectives “normal”, “simple” “ordinary”, “average” and “nothing extraordinary”. No I am not normal; I hate to consider myself normal. Ok, biologically I am like all Homo sapiens with nothing extra ordinary disgusting or nothing extraordinary appealing to somebody. But there is something about me which makes me feel I am beyond the comprehension of some average being. Though I might look so called normal in my thoughts , but then I realize that if I utter every word of my random musings , people would consider me a weirdo. Ever experienced the feeling that you are startled by your own thoughts, I have undergone such kind of experiences. Out of sudden a strange thought would creep into my mind, which would perhaps make me ashamed or proud later, and I would think why did I think so? Any way the human body intrinsically is itself so complicating that perhaps, calling yourself with those adjectives you are humiliating God , who perhaps took ages to plot and make you!

“Friendly”, well I tried to be considering my self friendly, but some how other don’t acknowledge my feeing friendly to them. And then I read this thought from Kautilya

“There is no one in this world who is friendly to you without selfish reasons “

Somehow I believe every word of the aforesaid thought. Too all those who claimed that they have a true friend, I just say wait, read this thought and consider again? Is he with you without selfish reasons? Perhaps not! And if you find such a friend of yours, then perhaps you know everything in this world.

So what do I call myself?

May be some day I will know it finally !