My Fu - Manchau

"A man without a moustache is like tea without sugar "

- An English Proverb

Please find my personal observations on the data points of the above mentioned graphs .

Rapist : Whopping 49% and I honestly do not find the correlation. Why do people conclude this ? I have never seen a rapist. Neither have most of my acquaintances. But I have seen Shiney Ahuja. He did not sport a moustache. I saw Shakti kapoor , Prem Chopra , Gulshan Grover ( ok sometimes he can be excused ) , Paresh Rawal and none of them sported moustache. Yet they were the brand embassador of rapes. I also saw Arjun Singh , He raped a whole generation of youngsters without the moustache. I saw Akshay kumar in Janwar turning into a genuine human being after he grew a moustache. I saw Anil Kapoor acting as a looser in Lamhe while he looked so Elan in Ram Lakhan. It baffles me. I saw Sunil Shetty walk upto Pakistani tanks babbling incoherently ‘ Dharti ma, Dharti ma ‘ . I am sure he must have extracted all that courage from nothing else than his moustache. I also saw Amitabh making a fool of himself in ‘Lal Badshah’ and then found support in his dadi and mooch which has made him weather the days of hardships. And you must have watched south Indian heroes ( yes that was another data point but it was like a universal set for all the other thing , isliye I avoided that ). They are heroes for God’s sake and not rapists. Have you seen them fight God like in the movies? None of the Hindi heroes can match the Style and studappa of fighting like a southie hero. If you do not believe please watch videos of Rajnikant and Balakrishnan in you tube.
P.S If any female who reads this blog , do not worry I will not rape you now just because I have grown a moustache, if only I will be double conscious now for the pride of my moustache
Daku : Well have to admit it this time. Dakus are known for their moustache. But again one must realize that in old bolly movies most dakus were Thakurs and Thakurs were treated as Thakurs only because the moustache they sported. In real world, there are two bandits in India who are renowned for their honorable acts. Veerapan and Phoolan. One sported one and the other one ( actually could not ) , probably that the reason phoolan surrendered realizing that without the manly moustache she could have never have fulfilled the professional demands
C***** - It is not that I am using it for my female blog followers but it is because I am too embarassed to write about it. However I feel that the slang has been used by people who are prime examples of homo sapiens who do not have an opinion of them. They are faggots who fear that any other adjective they used could lead them to face harsher consequences.
Uncle & 2 Bacho ka baap : Again fail to understand the automatic connection ! and why 2 bachho ka baap ,why not 1 bache ka bap, or 2 bachiyyo ka baap ,or 1 bacha 1 bachhi ka baap or 1 bachi ka baap. This is totally ridiculous and too demanding. First of all you grow a moustache which needs regular maintenance in the form of regular visits to the nai ka dukaan and daily application of parachute coconut oil. Not to forget he extra time one needs to devote to take care of the moustache which I could have easily spent on an hour of morning sleep. To add to that you are burdened with the extra burden of finding a women to have sex and have bachhas and bachhis . I threaten people to avoid burdening me with such unreasonable demands from me or they would have to face dire consequence ( Rajni style )

P.S : I call my moustache Fu - Manchau if you wondering why the title :P

Disjointed analysis

2009 is a special year. I have written 48 posts in my blog till now. The last year I wrote so many posts was 2007 when I wrote 11 posts. I pondered yesterday night after counting the stats of my blog that what could be the possible reason for such unusual pattern of blogging. Gussao mat dude, I am your regular B school pass out who tries to dissect all kinds of data left, right and centre to find out if we could decipher some meanings out of it. These MBA types’ ostentatious ( wow finally I found a context for using the bhari bharmak word ) dudes I would tell you would try to dissect even the number of cups of chais people at office gulp and then try to co-relate how it is leading to lowering of productivity in office & what not. (Which might not be incorrect if you see: P?)
So if I tabulate the number of blog posts I wrote corresponding the number of years, the data points would follow as below : -
2005: 1
2006: 3
2007: 11
2008: 6
2009: 48
So if you look at it an overall golden collection of 69 posts. And I have been I am old at blogging too. I have completed 5 long years; it’s so long that you have changed two colleges, worked at 3 jobs, switched home 5 times and have stayed with 14 flat mates. Actually it is 13 flat mates and 1 mom of a flat mate who stayed with us from January to November to hand-hold his 27 year old man-kid to bell the ugly CAT .The mean is 13.8 to be précis and aptly so since there are so many crappy posts that they do not deserve to be counted as 1
Now you might would look at this data carefully and try to excavate out various kinds of hidden meanings but my all those data analysis courses teach me that look at data with a human touch and do not look at data as mere collection of random numbers. I mean why I posted so much in year 200X and not so much in 200y
2005: Well back then it was the obligatory thing to do introduced to me by my roomie at IIT who being a thorough computer geek (back then sometimes we called them compu studs – what arbitapa) warned me that this is the next big thing in the internet world. I believed him completely and fearing that I would be left behind in this big bad web world had to post my obligatory introduction post. Doing my bit I happily stayed away from blogging for the rest of the year
2006: Well, well an happening year. I wrote 3 posts. It was the year I fortunately broke up (God bless) and probably I thought that I would make my blog my personal diary and pen whatever thought comes to the Devdas. Surprisingly all my thoughts of the year got captured in 3 cumulative posts. Did somebody say that I lead pretty uninteresting life?
2007: The big leap. I think this might be a year when my blog took the big blog. 11 posts whew. My blog might have undergone the same feeling which Rahul Dravid might have felt after having hit a six for first time in his life. It was a year when I joined an unfortunate B school and you would wonder that I would have plenty of time in my hand (Any wannabe B schooler stop and don’t read believe in this post – B school life is tough and get prepared for it:P) This was also the year which reconnected me to movies and worse introduced me to an evil sport called badminton. Alas, I could not continue my writing form much the next year
2008: Well placements, recession, stress, CFA ( if you have not got the meaning they are all disguises of laziness )
2009: Yes I am back. And back with a bang. And it’s not just bang. Its bang bang bang every other day. And sincerely hope I find more interesting thing to write about (you might have realized by this post how difficult it is to conjure matters to write from a sedentary (I hope I am using the bhari bharkams correctly) life I lead: P.
BTW If you are more mathematically/statistically oriented the standard deviation is 19.48, the geometric mean is 6.24 and harmonic mean is 3.10. Figure out what meaning you can find and throw at my face.

WTF

So the much awaited news has come across today. Dravid has been axed from the upcoming ODI series against Australia at home. Although my interest in cricket has waned ever since the deluge of matches getting played between Delhi Blue , Alpha red, Negro whites and so on and so forth. Anyway, what else did Dravid think ? He is no AB to make a comeback and find people awaiting his movies with same adulation. I feel it must be so embarrassing for Dravid, it is like teachers making a student flunk because of personally prejudice even though he has done all things right. I mean was it not Dravid who had been hailed as a great thinking captain post his 16 or was it 17 successful run chases. Of course it was before we had the advent of the circus called T20 with monkeys dressed in color clothing let loose to leer at inadequately clad cheer girls ( whose clothes I am sure will get converted to biknis as soon as the interest of people will start to whither from this form of cricket too). And why Virat Kohli has been left behind ? Youngistan, eh , young blood – to me he is nothing more than bad blood.

 

Meet John

John is 23. He hails from Jharkhand. Actually he is fro man bazaar, a small province in West Bengal.

'Wahan kuch tha hi nahi – waha rehta to naxal wale utha ke le jaate – to baap ne yaha bhej diya – hum adivasi hai '. He says the last few words in a very subdued tone fearing that I might throw him out of his occupation on the basis of caste. On assurance that I would throw him out only if he does not cook well, he smiles, with his teeth barely visible.

He came to Gurgaon 5 years ago in search of jobs along with his brother. Both brothers work in 6 places morning to evening. He does not have any holidays Sundays or Saturdays. Each place they on an average earn around 1500 Rs. They keep around 2500 Rs for themselves and rest he sends home back to Jharkhand. I didn't ask him why and whom he sends back the money.

He does not send his money back using a money order. He has a close group of friends, an one among them goes back to Jharkhand once a year. All the other friends will give that person them the money for rendering it their parents or wives back in the village. Sometimes on the way from train they get looted. Those are the worst days for the entire community. I am reminded of Dr Prabal sir's classes of micro finance

He did not know cooking while he came here. Initially both the brothers came here to work as household servants. Slowly they realized that it was far more hardwork, less honorable and less profitable profession. The aunty of the house where they worked taught one of the brothers cooking – the normal stuff parathas, rotis , sabji , omelettes. John was a quick learner. He learnt it quickly and passed on his experience in cooking to his brother. Now with his cookery lessons and little experimentation he is able to cook decent food. He says he is happy now – he is able to save little money for himself also. 'Thoda apne liye bhi paise ho jaate hai '

'Kya karta hai paiso ka '

' Picture dekh leta hoon – kapde wagarah kharid leta hoon'

' Girl friend nahi hai tera ' – I ask him in an amusing tone

'Nahi – girlfriend nahi hai ' – he replies back with some thought ' Hum logo ka girl friend kaha hota hai '

He likes hearing FM radio in his second hand mobile phone while cooking. He has a second hand mobile phone with a pre-paid connection. Whenever he needs to contact owners of any of the places he works he gives a missed call. I by chance picked up one of his call and immediately I could sense the trembling in his voice for his mistake for not cutting the line off at the right moment. I felt very bad that day. When I returned back I gave him a 10 Rs note as a bakshish to make myself relieve of the guilt.

He does not know to cook the different delicacies. He knows to cook only the normal sabjis , rotis and parathas. In break fast he knows preparing sandwiches and poha. But he is a keen learner and sometimes I would ask my mother to give him cooking lessons over the phone and he would try to replicate them. Whatever he cooks he cooks with his full soul and heart. To make him feel good we told him that he has the full freedom to run the kitchen as he wants and it is also his duty to keep the kitchen as he would keep it at home. He likes this fact a lot and makes sure that the kitchen are spotless clean.

He has a bicycle. He shares it with his brother. Sometimes he says goes for long trip on his bicycle with his brother near the huge malls

' Andar nahi jaata'

' Nahi humko ghoosne thodi denge' – he says unabashed .

I feel bad hearing this.

Sometimes I take him to reliance fresh for shopping groceries and vegetables. They joy of his face is a thing to watch when he would judiciously pick the right aloo and the right bhindi . He would feel bad when I would refuse him to carry all the baggages and I would act adamant that I would carry half the load. He feels it strange that being the ' malik' I should carry load.

In a small but significant way John has contributed my comfortable life here in Gurgaon. And I must also not forget that we both share the same link. We both hail from the same state and have come for the search of our own destiny in an alien place called ' Gurgaon'.

Somebody is peeved

The committee is bloody racists

Life like that V – Living in Gurgaon

Since the day I came to Gurgaon my sister who stays in Rohini in Delhi has maintained a ritual. She would call me every Friday morning asking me whether I would come to visit her. On many weekends I would be travelling for official work and some weekends I would just not want to meet any body. Those weekends would be spent by me just lazing around, catching a movie at the nearest multiplex in mornings after a heavy breakfast and following the movie would be a elongated siesta . So every Friday morning I would wait for a call from my sister and inevitably she would call me at around 12:00 PM. I would then disconnect her phone and call back to her since my company pays for my phone bills. This is how one of the conversation would go along as I would refuse to come to her place.

'Bubai'

'Haan
bolo'

'Aaschis' ( Are you coming today in a guilty tone – probably feeling guilty at calling her manager brother at office hours and interfering with his work oblivious to the fact that her brother is actually not so busy )

' Naa didi kaaj aache ' ( Clearly lying )

' Hmm … kajer jone -kothai jaachis ? ) ( You are going someplace for official work )

'Na didi bike thik korabar aache' ( My voice at this time would start trembling afraid that my lie would be caught and she would understand that her little brother is feigning work – I have to get my bike repaired )

' Aacha – aasthis to bhalo hoto – Bhabchilam mutton banatam – toke khub pochondo na ' – ( ok in a disappointed tone – if you would have come it would have been better , was thinking of preparing mutton , you are so fond of it )

' Na didi arr kono baar - aacha chol aami rakchi kichu kaaj aache toke pore call korchi ( no did I have some work – ok chalo I will drop now have some work - I would say that even though I would have no work actually lined up for me )

'acha acha she would speak in a hurried tone sounding even more remorseful that she had spent so much time of her brother.

After those calls I would often feel guilty and would detest myself.

My sis had been married at the age of 23 and she has been struggling between housework and office. And, after my nephew was born her workload had just doubled. She would wake up at 6:00 in the morning and would sleep at 11:30 at night all throughout battling with a busy schedule, Weekends was her only time where she took some rest before my nephew arrived in this world, and now her weekends are fully involved in taking care of the my nephew – shopping for his clothes, his visits to the doctor , his vaccinations. Often her in laws would also come from Calcutta .Yet she did not mind increasing her work load by having me at her place. Even knowing all this her idiot brother would feign excuses for he has been living alone for some many years that family setting makes him feel bored.

Someone cares for you so much and yet you are never able to value that care . Confounds me , Why is life like that !

Karvachauth

Karvachauth is not a day when women worship their hubbies – it is a day when women repent for all the sins they have done to their hubbies.

Fultu original bullshit coined by me.

Crazy Finance

Most people hate Finance. 'Bada hi dull subject hai yaar' , is the probably the only response you would elicit from people who completely swear against it. But having associated with finance as a subject since last 2-2 and half years has made me understand that people from finance undoubtedly possess the best sense of humor among all industry practitioners' . We had two professors in our college who would crack satirical jokes with straight faces and quickly come back to shell, leaving at least some of the audience gasping to understand what the joke was about.

Around 2-3 weeks ago I came across the term 'Hot Waitress Economic Index' and I found the perfect inspiration for my post to display my male chauvinism . It is then Finance decided that we cannot leave men behind and hence a term was coined which is even more humbling to the male race - 'Men's underwear index.

Investopedia defines it - An unconventional measure of how well the economy is doing based on sales of men's underwear. The reasoning behind this measure assumes that men view underwear as a necessity (not a luxury item), so sales of this product should be steady - except during severe economic downturns, when men will wait longer to buy new underwear. The notable decrease in underwear sales is said to reflect the poor overall state of the economy. Conversely, when underwear sales pick up, the economy is considered to be improving

It is actually a little different from 'Hot waitress Economic index 'and if reflect it graphically it would represent something like this below – would attached the graph in evening as blogger is blocked @ office

.

Diwali Rules !!

Not enough market visits

Not enough !

I do not like this couch , its not big enough for me

अंग प्रदर्शन

जूते : साली sandal कितनी बेशर्म है ! कितना अंग प्रदर्शन करती है

All in a day's work

Perhaps the picture attached is not very clear , but if you notice carefully you can find that the rickshaw marked in the picture is riding on 2 wheels. Saw this act by the rickshaw wala and could not resist myself taking the snap. It was interesting to find how much the rickshaw puller enjoyed doing his act. At the same time it made me realize that for some people , it is indeed not difficult to love the work they do yet you find so many people clamouring they do not like their jobs.
It was a pity that could not take a better snap of it beeing dark and equipped with a kam chalau camera phone

The Load of Education !!